A couple of weeks ago, Jonathan and Elizabeth Hill shared their story. In the midst of deep sorrow and loss, they realized that God was taking care of them.
While wading through the grief of the loss of their first child, Esther, the Lord connected them with Trinity Grace. And the Lord has been at work since then, including blessing them with their now one-year-old daughter Ruth!
A few weeks ago, just after Ruth’s first birthday, the Hills shared this painful yet wonderful testimony of the Lord’s grace.
Valentine’s Day, 2018, we found out that we were expecting our first child. We were, of course, thrilled and terrified. We found out pretty quickly that our firstborn would be a girl, and we named her Esther “Essie” Lamb Hill. Her name was a prayer for her life - that she would be fearless in pursuing God’s plan for her. It was also intended to be an encouragement to her - that even when she can’t actively see God at work in her life, He is still sovereign and good. That June, I accepted a band director position in Cleveland, so we left our jobs in Alabama and moved up here.
On August 8, after 7 months of pregnancy, I knew something was wrong. She wasn’t moving. It was Jonathan’s first day at his new job. We went to the ER and the nurses could not find her heartbeat. An ultrasound showed a perfectly normal looking little babe, but no life. At that point, everything seemed to go incredibly fast and also incredibly slow. We called our families, they drove up. The nurses and doctors discovered that I was very sick, just with very few visible symptoms. I was put on medicine and induced and 48 hours later, Essie’s body was delivered. I wasn’t capable of holding her - physically or emotionally, but Jonathan did. The nurses were incredibly compassionate. I will never forget the way those ladies ministered to us in that sorrowful and sacred place. During those 48 hours between hearing my darkest fears confirmed and delivering our first baby, my husband read the same scripture to me, I don’t know how many times. It was 2 Corinthians, chapter 5. In that passage, Paul talks about how to be away from the body is to be with the Lord, and that was the hope we clung to in that time - that our Essie was away from her body, but she was with the Lord. After she was delivered, I remember being alone for a few minutes, I think for the first time since we had come to the hospital, and singing to myself, and to God, the hymn, “My Jesus, I love thee.” “I'll love thee in life, I will love thee in death, and praise thee as long as thou lendest me breath, and say when the deathdew lies cold on my brow: If ever I loved thee, my Jesus, 'tis now.”
The way that the Lord so lovingly cared for us during that time, and the season of grief that followed still amazes us. It was through our loss, that God connected us with Trinity Grace. And that was and continues to be an immense blessing. Our church family cared for us so deeply - they saw our grief and they didn’t turn away, even though it was so uncomfortable to witness. They told us truths that were hard to hear, but ended up bringing comfort and assurance in the goodness of God in all circumstances. Trinity Grace did not let us slink off to hide in our sorrow, they drew us out, told their children about our child, spoke about her as if it was normal, and made us a part of their families. God has been so kind to us, ministering to us Himself, and through His Church. When we miscarried, it was like TGC redoubled their efforts to serve us.
Then, in September of 2019, when we announced our pregnancy with Ruth, it was like we were carried by each of you. She was loved and celebrated, even when I couldn’t let myself get excited. Loving and challenging words directed my eyes to God’s sovereign goodness, regardless of the outcome of this pregnancy. And when Rue was born on February 10, 2020, it was incredible to witness the joy that our church family felt - we could tell that they held this pregnancy, this child, in their hearts like their own.
A very wise woman told me when I had empty arms to cherish this season of sorrow, because someday I wouldn’t have that particular seat at the Cross anymore. I didn’t have very charitable thoughts towards her at the moment she said those words, but their meaning soaked in. Now, praise be to God, I do not have empty arms! And I look back and cherish that season that God gave us. I don’t cherish it for the loss of our very, very loved first baby, but for the gain of the assurance that God does indeed work all things for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose and that even in times of intense suffering, God is still sovereign and He is still good.
On behalf of Ruth and as a sincere thank you for your genuine friendship, care, love, and prayers for us and Esther and Ruth, we want to give you a cupcake to celebrate Ruth’s first birthday this past week! They will be on the table on your way out! To God be the glory.