In one of the most sobering verses in the Bible, the book of Kings describes Adonijah—the man who arrogantly asserted himself to be the next king after his father David died—& says, “His father had never at any time displeased him by asking, ‘Why have you done thus and so?’” (1 Kings 1:6).
Adonijah’s problem was his pride, but Adonijah’s problem was also his father David’s failure to correct him & teach him the ways of godliness.
May it never be said of the children of Trinity Grace!
Parenting is, as Steve Whitacre reminded us at the Parenting Seminar, “one of the most challenging endeavors, but the grace of God is real & sufficient.”
Armed with the Word of God & the grace of God, I wanted to lay out a few important takeaways from the Parenting Seminar & urge us to press on with faith into this most challenging endeavor.
1. The work of parenting will take place in little bits, not large chunks, of instruction.
Steve began the seminar unpacking Colossians 1:28. It states: “Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ.”
Parenting involves proclaiming Christ & the gospel to our children. Parenting is more than providing a food, shelter, & care for our children. Parenting requires proclamation. Parenting includes warning them & teaching them the things of God & the gospel.
But, how should we teach them? J.C. Ryle helps us:
"We must not expect all things at once. We must remember what children are, and teach them as they are able to bear. Their minds are like a lump of metal not to be forged and made useful at once, but only by a succession of little blows. Their understandings are like narrow-necked vessels: we must pour in the wine of knowledge gradually, or much of it will be spilled and lost." J.C. Ryle, The Duties of Parents.
A lump of metal is not forged by one big whack, metal is forged by “a succession of little blows.”
The work of parenting will take place in little bits, not large chunks, of instruction. Lectures don’t usually work, but seizing planned & unplanned “little” moments to teach them about God & gospel bear much fruit.
Many of these moments will be unplanned. When your child loses a game. When a neighborhood friend is unkind. When they interact with an unbeliever. Life will give our children daily, unplanned moments in which they need instruction.
Many of these moments will be planned. Perhaps they will include family devotions, dinner table discussions about the sermon, Scripture memorization, & more. One simple example Steve gave was a series of questions he regularly asked his children:
What do sinners need? A Savior.
Who is that Savior? Jesus.
How do we respond to Jesus? Repentance & faith.
I can imagine my children rolling their eyes a bit at those questions. And yet, carefully reiterating the truths of the gospel to them is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children.
2. The rules of parenting should be few but carefully enforced.
Sometimes it seems that all we ever say is, Stop. Don’t do that. Don’t touch that. Get down from there.
It’s exhausting—and much of this exhaustion can be minimized with clear rules.
If the goal of parenting is maturity in Christ, then we must require obedience of our children. Scripture commands them to obey:
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother' (this is the first commandment with a promise), 'that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.'” (Ephesians 6:1–3)
Biblically, as Steve taught us, “Obedience should be immediately, completely, & willingly—or, all the way, right away, & with a happy heart.”
That said, in order to require obedience, we must have clear rules. Our children will not learn to obey if they don’t know how to obey. Steve’s advice: “Keep as few rules as possible, but enforce them consistently.”
We want to them to learn to obey! So, we should keep the rules few, clear, & simple. In Steve’s household, the rules are:
1. Obey dad & mom.
2. Respect dad & mom.
3. Tell me truth.
But what do we do when they disobey?
Especially when our children are little & to a lesser degree when they become of school age, I would recommend we take up the biblical practice of spanking.
Scripture clearly commands the use of the rod or spanking:
Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. Proverbs 13:24
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him. Proverbs 22:15
Spanking is not “letting your child have it” or “paying them back.” Spanking is the careful, measured use of force in disciplining our children.
Spanking is, as defined by Tedd Tripp, “a parent, in faith toward God & faithfulness toward his or her children, undertaking the responsibility of careful, timely, measured & controlled use of physical punishment to underscore the importance of obeying God, this rescuing the child from continuing in his foolishness until death.”
If you want to learn more about spanking, my favorite single book on parenting is Shepherding a Child’s Heart (Tedd Tripp) & it includes a very helpful section on spanking. In addition, if you have any specific questions, I would be glad to talk as well.
3. The goal of parenting is maturity in Christ on the final day, not maturity before the world on their graduation day.
Colossians 1:28 says, we proclaim Christ in order to present our children mature in Christ.
Present is, as Steve reminded us, an eschatological word. It refers to what really matters on the last day.
The goal of parenting is not for our children to be well-behaved & well-rounded. It is not for them to marry someone well-put-together or have a successful career. Of course, those things would be nice! But, the goal of parenting is for our children to be mature in Christ.
If our children are mature without Christ, then we have failed.
In fact, the rest test of parenting will not be who our children are when they graduate high school. The real test of parenting will be who our children are when they stand before the Lord on the final day.
That’s why parenting is “one of the most challenging endeavors.”
But God is with us.
Let us not give up, “for in due season we will reap.”
“Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:7–9)
Conclusion
If you were unable to attend the Parenting Seminar, as you can tell, I really enjoyed it.
In fact, I would strongly encourage you to carve our time to listen to the recordings. Follow the links below for the audio & handout.
